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Categories
- Goals (3)
- Misc. Musings (7)
- Self Care (2)
- Self Confidence (3)
- Self Esteem (4)
- Self Love (3)
- Transformation (4)
- Truth (5)
- Uncategorized (13)
- Women in Mid-Life (2)
Professional Life Coach & Counselor
Stanlee Panelle, M.A.
Marriage and Family Therapist Intern
sppc@stanleepanellecoaching.com
© 2011 Stanlee Panelle
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Watch TV. Talk to important, much loved people. Think back on amazing times in years gone by when V day was special … even remembering the awful ones has it’s smiles. Beautiful songs are played bringing matching moments, memories of parents and being a child, of dates and lovers and falling, IN and …. OUT of love and of finding ourselves… the day we honestly and spontaneously said, “I love you” to ourselves, about ourselves. How that makes today look and feel diffeent.
I remember my Mother. She guides me in many ways now so much more than she did before. She would reminisce about days in her youth not being enough… never what she wanted… no dreams fulfilled. I felt so sorry for her.
Bingo!
That is not the way I want to live my 80s and 90s! So I practice. If Life is a journey, Life is a Practice. So, I practice … being grateful… remembering the Great Loves and lovers of my life (not that there aren’t more ahead …?). I practice being conscious of being … doing nothing (ok, I’m blogging!). It’s good enough to spend time with me. In fact … other than those truly phenomenal moments of fresh, new love grabbing any opportunity to show off … aren’t so many of those “special” days really obligatory, perfunctory, a lot of extra work (sometimes for great reward and other times, not so much…), high pressure and even sometimes boring, difficult, disappointing or sad?
So, when I think about it I feel satisfied. Not done. Satisfied. That means I won’t bother or disrespect myself enough to settle for less than skyrocket, fireworks worthy romance. I’m more comfortable cherishing all my Self and my Life to have my attention distracted and watered down. put into comparison or competition. Instead, I get to fix myself a great meal, listen to some wonderful music, watch some cute, romantic TV that brings my own realities back to animation, and blog. Feeling good. Not sad. Not lonely. Not remorseful or regretful.
Valentine’s Day is lovely. I like it. People focus on Love… loving each other…. displaying and demonstrating love to each other. And we all know we have to love ourselves first and authentically before we can completely love someone else, honestly. So I say … how about a little Valentine’s Day Love for Self? I think it’s under valued and under utilized! I think everyone should spend some serious Valentine’s days with themselves, enjoying, appreciating, indulging and loving themselves … celebrating their own love for themselves!
I was probably burned at the stake in a past life, you know?
I love it. I nurtured it. I enjoy it.
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Look for Antoinette Cabral in my December 16 Newsletter, Portrait and all! Antoinette helps women get comfortable with their natural feminine sensuality so they stop sabotaging potential romances and cultivate their inner feminine beauty to be more attractive and engaging to the kind of they really want to create lasting relationships with. (SPPC)
First off, I want you to check in with yourself to see if you are in your head or in your body. Because of your masculine job, you most likely have been using your brain all day, or have been giving and providing for others. Your energy holding from the neck up. Take an inventory by taking a deep breath in right now. Let go. Where are you holding your energy? Most likely it’s in your head, neck and chest area. The feminine ways are about connecting to your body. This will allow you to become softer when you go on that first date. If you feel your energy in your head, take a bubble bath to relax you.
Second, wear something that is flattering to you, makes you feel comfortable, confident and radiant. DO NOT wear something that is too revealing. If you do, he will only notice you for your sex appeal because that is what you are showcasing to him.
Third, let go of any pressure that this man is the “RIGHT MAN” for the first date. You don’t know this. The first few dates are about you getting to know this man in a casual way. Don’t let your mind go too far out and start fantasizing that he’s the one because you really don’t know. Keep the first few dates casual without too much intimacy. This can get confusing while you are getting to know him. Is this man monogamous? Does he share the same values? Does he eventually want kids? These are things that the first few dates will reveal casually in the first few encounters.
Last, HAVE FUN! Dating is an exciting journey. It should be fun. It’s like shopping for a favorite outfit or going wine tasting. It’s healthy to try out a few wines and dresses before saying it’s your favorite. Connect to your feminine and let the playful side come out!
I know these tips will help you out when it comes time to magnetizing the right man to you. If you are interested in what I said, please go to my website, http://antoinettecabral.com to sign up for more juicy secrets. Or I am offering the first three women who are interested in a complimentary Man Magnet Session by emailing me info@antoinettecabral.com.
Antoinette Cabral is Female Sensual Lifestyle & Dating Coach which are powerful tools, techniques and rituals for a woman to embrace her authentic feminine ways, to feel safe expressing her true sensual nature, and to understand, love and magnetize the right man to her. http://antoinettecabral.com
I just spent the last 3 hours and 45 minutes with Agapé International Spiritual Center and PeaceLink … and countless others around the world activating the Universal Principal of Peace, Self Love and Life.
25 years Agapé International has been sending a message of Non-violence, Peace, Love, Consciousness and Unity through our Beloved and Respected “Rev” (Michael Bernard Beckwith). 18 of them I have been a part of it. What an utterly magnificent way to celebrate a Silver Anniversary. What an utterly Authentic way to harold the energetic shift of our planet. 18 years ago I don’t think we knew that Agapé Church of Religious Science would be so gracefully and generously capable of birthing and then sharing the International Spiritual Center with the entire world as was done tonight. But I have been a witness to the growth that brought us here and I am so proud of “The Rev”. So proud of Agapé for being so true and grounded and pure. No matter the celebrity; no matter the surrounding conditions, always in the flow of Life: growing and transforming then transcending even that to greater evolution, Rev. Michael stays true and Authentic. Agape expands “to contain all the beauty and all the crazy that humanity has” just as our visionary leader originally intended.
Ask. Know that it is done. Vision. Demonstrate. Be.
Be Peace.
Be Love.
Be Life.
Be all that you were intended to be… all that you are. Love yourself so you can love All.
Love yourself so you can be Peace. Love yourself so you can Be All that you are intended to Be.
So, the purpose of my closing my therapy practice and switching “modes” to coaching was primarily to be able to reach outside of the restrictions of the medical model, diagnostic labels and the state of California. I want to be able to reach Mid-Life Women in The Change, that can benefit from my support and guidance wherever they are, which a “therapist” cannot do.
I like to refer to Christianne Northrup’s book: Women’s Bodies; Women’s Wisdom because she really speaks clearly and deeply to all those mood and emotional issues that arise during monthly cycles and during Menopause. THEY ARE NATURAL AND MEANINGFUL! Just because society – and dare I say the masculine portion of society? – don’t especially like or understand these rippling, fluid, movements of Women’s emotions, Psyche’s and attitudes does not mean there is something wrong with them! In fact … the more they are looked at like a problem and labeled as an illness or dis-ease that needs to be controlled and eliminated (with drugs and surgery) the worse the symptoms get.
I have become a member of several different service providing, interactive websites like Thumbtack that offers a huge selection of various service providers and practitioners, like me, that you can search, learn about and hire for all sorts of things. Check it out … and PLEASE … leave me some comments now and then.
It does appear that there is an intelligence at work in our Universe that has the ability to make stars twinkle, planets spin and whirl, grass and flowers grow up through asphalt … etc…. an intelligence so much greater than Human.
So … is it even possible that you were born by mistake?
Barrack Obama is certainly a picture of Confidence, isn’t he?
Everyone likes to feel confident in themselves, right? And usually we think in terms of confidence being related to a something about us (our looks, our intelligence, sense of humor …) or something that we do that pleases others (sing, dance, cook, write, …).
Most people seem to think that Self Confidence is the same as Self Esteem … and then most people don’t seem to really know what Self Esteem is if not Self Confidence. They are two different feelings about yourself.
Self Confidence is a feeling of being sure, secure and doubtless about some aspect of yourself such as the things mentioned above or, many other things. A lot of people seem to have confidence in their ability to do a good job at their work but not feel so confident about people liking or accepting them socially. Same person with Self Confidence and without Self Confidence.
Self Esteem is the warm and loving way you feel about yourself… accepting yourself – warts and all – and holding yourself in high esteem. You gotta like yourself consistently, for the person you are, to have Self Esteem.
In order to like yourself consistently and sincerely you need to know yourself. Otherwise you’ll just come off as arrogant and conceited. People sometimes think of loving yourself and really liking who you are, is the same as being conceited or arrogant, because really, not so many people genuinely know themselves so, their attempt to appear confident and having it all together just comes off as phony and superficial.
Real Self Esteem is a sense of self that is someone you genuinely like, respect, admire, care about and have high esteem for. So … you gotta know who you are, what you’re made of, what your strengths and weaknesses are, what influences you and how you influence the world around you. Then … you can know yourself as someone worth knowing AND because you know and accept your weaknesses or negatives along with the positives and strengths, you aren’t arrogant and abrasive with conceitedness. You just come off as someone that is stable, available and confident… Comfortable in your own skin and easy to be around.
So, how do you develop authentic Self Esteem? How do you increase and stabilize your Self Esteem? Self Care! When you love something, you care for it. You take care of it and when you love someone you do nice things for them, give them nice things and spend time paying attention to them. So … to build your Self Esteem you need to get to know yourself really well, and to get to know yourself really well you need to spend time with yourself, doing things you like and things you don’t like so much, caring for yourself in all sorts of ways. Here are a few suggestions for Self Caring ways to get to know yourself better.
1. Take yourself out to a favorite place for lunch and then go to a matinee - ALONE. (Do not take a book to hide in or get lost in and don’t make phone calls either. Spend this time with yourself.)
2. Pay attention to how it feels to go out and eat alone and go to a movie alone.
3. Journal about the experience. How did it feel to be out there on your own? Were you embarrassed or shy? Did you put on a bravado and try to figure out what other people thought of you? Did you pretend you were waiting for someone that stood you up? What thoughts came up for you? Did you attempt to be invisible or did you look people in the eye and smile or start conversations easily? Did you actually choose things you really enjoy or did you find yourself picking a place, a meal and a movie that would be pleasing to others when you talked about it, or “the right” choices? How do you feel about yourself when you think about what you did?
For more tips on building Self Esteem, sign up to read the introduction to my upcoming Ebook: How Do I Love ME??? No Charge. It’s just the intro. The book will be out in November.
So… A September song of quietly shortening days, softer sunlight and for those of us along the California coast – well facing some directions anyway – increasing cool in the evenings and waiting longer for the cloud cover – “marine layer” as it’s called – to clear each day. Somewhere around 2 o’clock or so it burns off and the rising ocean breezes (winds actually) blow it away so we get some sun for a couple hours before it turns cool again. Last night was actually cold! Well … California cold, anyway. 
So who’s going to HAWAII for the end of summer? If you are planning a trip to the Islands, be sure to check out my brother’s Photography site and maybe book some vacation portraits: http://paramountphotography.com/ Even if you’re not going soon, you’ll enjoy looking at his photo gallery.
Yah … so that’s my baby Brother … man! we’re getting old … but still moving at an awesome pace with passion and intention and purpose and learning all in progress. Life just keeps unfolding all around us! His name is Stan … go figure! Laughing … I was my father’s first born and with the instruction that Mom shouldn’t do it again (back in the 50′s ya know …) I got Dad’s name … mostly. Then Baby Brother was born and well, he got Dad’s name – really! So with “Big Stan” and “Little Stan” in the house … I got nicknamed.
